Overcome Fear & Resistance to Change
The Hidden Cost of Resisting Change and Five Ways to Overcome it
Change is inevitable. Sometimes it’s exciting - like heading off on a new adventure you’ve been looking forward to. Other times, it’s confronting, even scary - like losing a job without warning.
There are different types of change:
Change we choose: A new job, hobby, travel destination, or challenge we take on voluntarily.
Change forced upon us: A restructure at work, the breakdown of a relationship, or a health diagnosis that alters our lifestyle.
The change we should choose but avoid: leaving a stagnant job, stepping up for a bigger opportunity, ending something that no longer serves us. Embracing new technology rather than avoiding it.
I’m sure you’ve experienced all three. What I want to focus on here is how we respond to change, especially the kind we resist, whether it’s been forced upon us or it’s one we’re avoiding.
Why do we resist change?
We resist because change brings uncertainty and forces us into the unknown. It disrupts the predictable and takes us away from the comfortable.
Familiar routines, people, activities and patterns signal that we are in control. Control signals safety to our brains. So when change arrives, especially without invitation, it can trigger anxiety, doubt, and fear. Even when we know change could be good for us, our attention often latches onto potential risks and downsides. We worry about failing, losing control, or not being ready. It’s natural to resist the unknown where it’s harder to predict the outcome and the impact on us.
There’s comfort with the status quo. Sometimes we just like things the way they are. When sound was added to movies, there were plenty of critics and people who assumed it would be a fad. Joseph Schenck, President of United Artists said in 1928, “Talking doesn’t belong in pictures. I don’t think people will want talking pictures long.” And he wasn’t alone. People thought it would drive audiences away. But of course audiences adjusted and ‘talkies’ became the norm.
Why it’s a problem
There is a quiet cost to resistance: the emotional toll, the missed opportunities and the regrets that accumulate.
Ongoing resistance creates stress, we suffer either as a result of the change forced on us, or by avoiding change we should make. We can feel overwhelmed and unable or not ready to adapt. It can keep us in unrewarding jobs, stuck in routines, and missing out on new experiences. Rather than grab opportunities, we watch them go by. It keeps us in the passenger seat with fear and self-doubt driving us.
Organisationally, the same applies if they fail to innovate or adopt new ways of working, losing their relevance in an increasingly fast-moving world. Change threatens power structures and deeply embedded cultures. Teams that resist change are often less effective, less engaged, and slower to respond to challenges. It’s the reason why Change Management became a thing.
Ultimately, the greatest risk isn’t change, it’s standing still while the world moves on. We either stay standing on the beach like the cover photo, or we head out and take on the surf.
Change is painful, but nothing as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.
Mandy Hale
Five ways to learn to embrace change
1 Start small and make it regular
You don’t need to leap off a cliff. Build your tolerance to change gradually by doing small things. Try a new route to work, commit to learning something unfamiliar, speak up in a meeting, or adopt a new tech tool. These micro-changes build. We create a sense of capability in the face of the unknown and trust in our ability to adapt.
Change, done regularly, becomes less threatening and more energising. You start to seek it, rather than shy away from it.
2. Break it down
Big change often feels overwhelming. So, unpack it. Reduce the perceived uncertainty and threat. What is worst case if, for example, you want to change career or leave your job to pursue a bold goal? Then what are the potential benefits? How can you minimise the downside and maximise the upside? Are there smaller steps you can take, advice or support that would help?
It shifts us from a threat mindset to a possibility mindset. It can take us from being on the back foot, to leaning in and more confidently stepping forward.
3 Have a North Star
Change needs an anchor. What are you moving toward? A strong “why” doesn’t just make the discomfort worth it can help draw us forward in the face of fear and self-doubt.
Whether it’s becoming a more confident leader, launching a new business, or heading off on some batsh*t crazy adventure, having that bigger vision and North Star front of mind will help power us forward when the outcomes are unknown.
4 Acknowledge fear, don’t put it in charge
Fear isn’t the enemy. It’s information not instruction and shouldn’t be in charge. Notice it, name it, and keep moving anyway. That can be way easier said than done, but doing what I’ve suggested above will help build courage. The more we put ourselves in situations that elicit a fear response, the more familiar it gets, the less likely we are to shy away from it. We increase our tolerance for fear and build our tools to manage it.
This is why I embarked on my year of Gulps! And I’ve benefited from it enormously.
5 Respond, don’t react
When change is forced upon us, our power lies in how we respond. That starts with a pause. Accept the situation, assess your options, and choose a response that serves you best.
I recently saw this modelled by a wonderful woman I follow on Instagram, Ebaide (@go_ebaide), who is motorbiking around Africa and smashing records. She shared a post saying her TikTok account had been hacked. She had amassed nearly 300k followers. Devastating. But then she shared her response – she chose to move forward with grace and strength (and in the process took her power back). See the images below.
In Buddhism, there is the ‘two arrows’ teaching. The first arrow is the event causing us pain, the second arrow is our response to it. Buddha says that in life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow, our reaction to the first, is optional.
In Summary
Embracing change isn’t just about reducing friction, it’s the key to growth, confidence, and adaptability. When we stop avoiding change, we start seeking it, we become stronger, bolder, and more capable. We become antifragile and are strengthened by challenge, not broken by it.
So let me ask you this:
What change are you avoiding?
What change could you choose?
What change would your future self thank you for?
